Saturday, January 18, 2014

Life, Love, and Family. Making a better 2014!

Life, Love, and Family. Taking it one day at a time in 2014!

Hey everyone, Desiree here. I know that I have been a bad blogger lately. Please accept my sincerest apologies on that one. We have been dealing with a lot of stuff.  Trust me. It has not been a walk in the park. The good news is the husband is well on his way to a new career. Yes! I'm hoping we get out of this rain cloud soon.

Did I mention how bad I am with money? I do not spend it, but I can't save it either. Where does it all go? Honestly we buy the necessities in life and not much more. I make my shampoo last several more months than it probably should. It all comes down to the cost of living. It is too damn high! Food is a huge money sucker upper! Am I wrong? Maybe I am not doing it right, but like I said, I really stink at that. Oh well, I think I get better at this mom stuff every year, and every kid. Hopefully that means I will get better at life in general soon too.

On to other excuses things. I am depressed. I know, I am sorry to drop that huge bomb on you out of the blue. But it is true. I have major depression and it is not getting much better. Depression, something about that word has always made me feel ashamed and even dirty. Like it was some horrible thing that another person could catch. So ashamed in fact that I have gone that last few years without uttering a word about how I feel inside. And then one day, my walls came down and I just had to cry. I cried so much that day. I rarely cry anymore. I guess holding it all in and not speaking about how I feel really took its toll on my mental health. Tonight, another night of spilling my guts out. Thinking about it gives me anxiety. I don't hide it well anymore. I know my kids can see. I have given up on myself. The world can see that. My house is either clean or an utter mess. Some days I am dressed up, makeup all done, and the next I am just in sweats and a pony tail. If some things are done well, others are seriously lacking. Everything around me is just as I feel inside. Which means that the world sees me. I rather just hide.



I didn't make any New Years Resolutions for 2014. But I do have some goals right now for our life and family.
  • 1. To try and be happy. It should be that easy, I know. I really wish that it was. I love my children and everyone that is in my life. None of that fake stuff. 
  • 2. To get out of my comfort zone and do more. I need to give myself room to grow. If you put a plant in a small jar, it is never going to show it's full potential. Why do I do this to myself? I need to get out and do more for my mind, body and soul. Bring the kids to the park, to Chuck 'E' Cheese, any where but here. 
  • 3. Do more for my body! I say it all of the time. "I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat." I gained way too much with my first child, it just stuck to me. I need to lose 60bs to be in the "okay" range for my height. That just makes me want to eat cake. Chocolate cake. mmm. Did I mention I am an emotional eater? Not a good combination. 
  • 4. Get more out of blogging. My blog was a great outlet for how I felt and my thoughts once upon a time. It helped with my depression and gave me a bit of social interaction. I created some great friendships too. Then, I fell off the face of the planet. Don't worry, I did this in real life too. Whoops. It wasn't intentional, I promise. I just couldn't handle much of life anymore. But I am coming back to planet Earth. I want to rejoin the species. Ah. It wont be easy. 
  • 5. Enjoy each and every day with my kids. Make everyday unique and matter more. No more rushing for them to get ready, to put their gloves and hats on. No more being in such a hurry that I miss the moments that matter most, those moments that I can never get back. No More of getting frustrated so easily. They grow up so fast. I feel like I have been half asleep or most of it. It saddens me so much that I have been sad almost everyday of their life. And it was my fault for not realizing the impact. No more of it. Okay, it isn't so easy. But I will try. 


We did have some incredible moments in 2013, but I will be damned if I don't make 2014 the most exciting year yet!

I did officially Marry the love of my life in 2013! Feel free to browse those incredible photos below. 
Our wedding was gorgeous. It was held at lake Pearl Lucianos in MA. 



Sorry for all the pictures. I just had to share the good memories. I can't believe it took us 8 years to finally tie the knot! Sure, we did it all backwards. Our love story is far from ordinary in itself. Normal people wouldn't have met how we did. So in an odd way, this worked for us. We have a home, a family and now I have his last name. I can't wait to enjoy each and every day as a Mrs.! 

What did you accomplish in 2013?Read this article next.


42 comments:

  1. After suffering with depression for decades, trying medicines and everything else they say, this is how I have managed not to fall into the vat of depression any more:
    I started a list of phrases that for some reason made me feel better. After a few weeks the list covered a piece of legal paper front and back in tiny print in tiny and took me 12-13 minutes to read all at once. I found I felt MUCH better after reading it. I also turned off cable tv and stopped reading our local newspaper. The media ban combined with the quote sheet changed my life and has kept me above ground. When I felt myself starting to slide, I said, "No way. No more. I am worthy of feeling better." It was weird at first, no doubt, but shockingly worked.
    Things will get better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is incredible. I think I gave up years ago. Even before my kids were born. Before them, I felt I had no reason of being here. So I sort of just let it go, and dealt with it in private. Especially since I felt I had no reason to feel that way. Now, I know that I have no reason, and I want to take my life back. That is such a wonderful idea to bring yourself back into reality. Perfect for breaking the depressive cycle.

      Thank you for sharing that. I'm going to try that as well. It sounds like something so small, but I do understand how the positives would take all of the negative thoughts away.

      Delete
  2. I wish happiness to you and your wife all life time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aw, I can hear the pain in your words. Please try to get help. Open up, even if it's only through your blog. I struggle with depression and anxiety and only when I accepted that I needed help did anything get better. And it's SO much better now!!

    Your wedding pics are beautiful. Gorgeous!! I hear you on the body image thing (I say the same thing, about when I used to think I was fat wearing a size 6) -- you really do look amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I LOVED the pictures, so don't apologize. I know what you mean about saving money. We live from paycheck to paycheck and JUST make it. I don't know how. I am just very thankful to God that we do. Part of it is where we live-a VERY high cost of living area, plus the fact that my husband is working on his PhD. In other words, I understand.

    ReplyDelete
  5. PLEASE, DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF, TAKE A FEW MINUTES EACH DAY TO THANK THE LORD FOR MAKING YOU AND REALIZE THAT HE DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES, YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE, YOU ARE HERE ON THIS EARTH TO DO WONDERFUL THINGS AND TO ENJOY LIFE. I CAN SAY THESE THINGS BECAUSE OF THE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE, I STILL TAKE 2 DIFFERENT MEDICINES FOR IT,BUT MOSTLY I HAVE FAITH IN THE AWESOME GOD THAT MADE ME. LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL FAMILY, STEPHANIE

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't give up. Depression is an illness, not a fad, or an indulgence, it can and should be treated the same as any othr phychological trauma. It happens to good, honest ordinary people. Don't let anyone say you will 'get over it' if you feel you need to seek medical help.

    Talking to people helps, so does cutting back the goals you hope to achieve to a small handful - oh and include something really FEEL GOOD in there. Your wedding looks heavenly - remeber this and above all - do not be hard yourself. Tell the kids you don't feel so brilliant, that way they know it's not their fault and remember you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are beautiful & sounds like you have a wonderful support system. Stay active in doing things that truly make you feel wonderful, find out what those things are. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have so much to look forward to even when you have difficult times.
    Sending hugs & positive thoughts

    ReplyDelete
  8. May I recommend a book that you may help with your depression: "Experience a Transforming Journey from Deep Depression to a Life of Greater Light and Purpose". The author talks about her own incredible story with painful, stark precision so that others can journey away from their own personal pain into the brightness of love through greater self-acceptance and a deeper relationship with Spirit. This heartfelt, stirring book shows you the choices and steps you can take to put you on a path away from self-hate and agony to a place in life where you can merge with the positive energy of hope, courage and unending self love.

    Rachel recently wrote Using the Oreo Cookie to Get Clients

    ReplyDelete
  9. Depression is real and I would encourage you to talk to your family doctor; I've got bipolar disorder and know how hard it can be to get up and out there...

    Congrats on your marriage! In just a month or so, hubby and I will celebrate 27 years.

    What did I accomplish in 2013? Survival! It was a rough year for us - my husband was in and out of the hospital so many times....ack! I lost count :( and then doing the taxes and seeing all the charges and receipts for travel and food and hospital bills...

    But, thank God, he's here and we're still hanging on.

    Blessings!

    Patty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know how you feel! My husband had an accident at work in 2012 that caused him to need back surgery. We had to wait a few months and after that it was a recovery of over 6 months. I was also pregnant! It was a hard time for all of us. We are still coping with it since he was not able to return to his old job due to its role. They also had no other job for him. Right now he is in school learning a new trade, and we hope it works out. I'm so glad he is better

      I don't have a family doctor, but I do have a therapist. I go in ever 1-2 weeks to talk. It's not helping, but its nice to not be in the house.

      27 years! bravo lady! I havn't known many couples that lasted so long, so that is amazing to hear. It gives others hope. Before my husbands grandmother passed, they had been together 57 years. She missed our wedding by just a few months. Which is about the only regret I have. I should have convinced him sooner.

      No, he didn't get down on one knee. He didn't propose at all. But now he's stuck with me!

      Delete
  10. Depression can be the pits; I hope you are able to get the support you need. I've got bipolar disorder and know how hard it can be to ask for an accept help.

    Congrats on getting married! In April, hubby and I will celebrate 27 years!

    Last year's major accomplishment for me was SURVIVAL. My husband has cancer and almost died TWICE and spent so much time in the hospital with heart issues. Thank goodness he's doing better these days!

    Life is precious.

    Blessings!

    Patty

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh I feel your pain and I know exactly what you mean about not feeling like a great mom because you're sad every day of their lives. I battled postpartum depression after my last baby was born. I had two back to back and pretty sure I had depression after my daughter but the hormones hid it. I still battle anxiety and have spurts where I just can't face people. I tried meds too for about a year, even a clinical trial, until it gave me really bad headaches. I had really high expectations as a stay at home mom and had to learn to accept that what I thought life would be like, would not always happen. I also had a great counselor from a family planning program that really helped. I wish you all the luck, and always remember to keep making memories and to remember the really good times.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your wedding pictures are so beautiful, you shouldn't apologize for posting them. You are a beautiful woman and inside and out, and you should give yourself some love. Pamper yourself, give yourself some time to do things you love, and remember to respect your body. Food is very important, and could be a possible reason for depression. It might be just some nutrient that your body is deficient in. I've given up on sugar, grains and fruit - the improvement in my mood and the stability have been amazing. Stay strong!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Desiree, I wish you the absolute best. I know I can sometimes get overwhelmed with life and sought the help of a counselor when I was pregnant with my second child. We came up with a great way of looking at life when I'd get consumed with whether I was "good enough" of a mother, wife, friend, etc. - I'd ask myself "How can I be my best self in this moment?" I'd often get too focused on the "big picture" during that period of my life and would lose sight of what was actually happening in the present so asking myself that would force me to embrace the present and do whatever it took to be my best self right then. I'm happy to say that I'm in a better place now, but I do still ask myself about whether I'm being my best self and how I could improve from time to time. Again, I wish you the best and hope you do really great things with your blog and love on those adorable kids of yours!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love your story, I too try and make each year better for us. We have a non-traditional relationship too... we've been together for 15 years, we have two girls and are not yet married. I know it doesn't work for everyone but it works for us. I am glad to see that you've gotten your Happily Ever After!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Life is not easy...I don't care who you are!!! Congrats on the beautiful wedding and also for realizing what is causing your funk and working towards changing it. You are the only one that can change you! I love your raw approach to everyone and your honesty. That's really hard to find in a lot of people let alone a blog. I like to know I can connect with the blogger I am following! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your pictures are lovely and your goals for the year are basically the same ones I have for myself. It is so much more helpful to have goals instead of resolutions. Thank you for your honesty in blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Reading your post was a little like reading the inside of my heart and mind. Depression kind of snuck up on me and it wasn't until my husband was trying to pull me out of my shell and asked if we needed to go to couples counseling that I realized how bad I was. It just never dawned on me how sad, upset, and angry I was all the time. I had no idea how it had happend since I had a really good life over all. But it did.

    It took me two more years before I finally had enough of not feeling anything or being upset to make a change and see a doctor. I can't believe how different life is for me now. It was like I was physically incapable of being happy before and now I can be. I'm not artificially happy or happy all the time, I just can decide for myself now how I want to feel and most of the time, that's to be happy.

    I'm still an introvert and would much rather be at home, so its a struggle for me to get out and be social. I'm just not any good at it and I always feel like I stick my foot in my mouth. One of my goals is to get out more this year too. Maybe we can hang out together? Or would it not be helpful in the long run? (grin)

    I'm glad that you found things to be happy about in 2013. Getting married is a wonderful thing, especially when it's to the man of your dreams. I am going to have to see if I can figure out how you two met since it sounds like quite a story.

    Good luck in 2014. There are people out there who understand what you're going through. Keep going. Find help if you need. Be happy if you can. Sometimes just a shoulder from someone who understands can help you put one foot in front of the other. It's worth it in the end!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I hope you are able to make it a go with your blogging. It is always good to have a good release of all your emotions. I know that I need someway of releasing my emotions when I am not having a good day!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Desiree, so sorry you're struggling with depression! There was a time in my life when I was depressed as well. I think it helps to count your blessings each day and be thankful for them. Also, do some research on natural remedies for depression. Things like getting outside for a walk in the sunshine really do help a lot. Getting enough Omega 3 fatty acids are also very beneficial; consider taking a tablespoon of flax seed oil each day. And although cake and ice cream may temporarily make you feel happier, I think in the long run they are you making you unhappy about your weight. Please forgive me if I've been too frank here, I sincerely do wish to help. I hope your find your way out. Blessing to you and your beautiful family!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Those are some beautiful pictures there. Thank you for sharing them with us! 2013 had it's ups and downs. I can say that the best part of the year was jumping into blogging and writing. Writing has always been my passion and I'm finally doing a job that I really enjoy and love. The down part was having a miscarriage in December. It was not a nice way to end the year. And my husband's uncle passed away. But we always look toward the positives in our life.

    Congratulations on your marriage. And you have some beautiful children.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures with us. And congratulations on your marriage.
    2013 has had it's ups and downs for us. I finally took the plunge and started blogging and writing. I'm finally doing what I love to do...write. Our down moment was having a miscarriage in December. It was not the way we wanted to end the year. And then my husband's uncle passed away. But we always try to look at all our blessings that we do have in our life and keeping our three daughters close to us. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wow, can I just say in that awkward turtle stranger way that you look absolutely breathtakingly beautiful on your wedding pics! I appreciate your honesty on your blog, it's really refreshing. I'm sorry you're suffering from depression, I did too for a while and it really sucks. There's no way around it. My best advice is being outside a lot, being out in the sun (whenever it's out, sigh). For a while I would just take daily walks and read a magazine. Find the things you love, or used to love and try to do them more often. For me it was singing and so I signed up for a musical. I thought I was crazy but ended up loving every minute of it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Congrats! Great photos by the way. I lean to prayer and the bible for wisdom and relief from this circus act that plays out in my mind some days.
    Divachyk @Relaxed Thairapy

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have dealt with depression most of my life, I've tried all the meds and therapies out there. Most recently what I have discovered that has helped me the most is my diet. When I started "clean eating" my depression drastically improved. When ever I have too much sugar, wheat or processed foods, I cycle downward. I'm learning to prepare all the food in my house for my family from scratch and figuring out how to work it into my busy schedule. While it is a bit more time consuming, especially in the beginning, once the toxins of processed foods, sugar, etc are out of my system, I feel so much better and am able to acknowledge when I am happy. I know everyone is different, but I wish I had realized how mipuch my diet affected my moods years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Beautiful pictures! Congrats! The great thing about grace is that we always get to start over and when we do, we have the benefit of wisdom from our past. I pray that you will be encouraged that success in life is not dependant upon whether or not your past controls your future. Step out in faith and embrace each day as a gift of grace, give thanks in the little things, rejoice in the journey and enjoy the blessings that come your way.
    Bless you!
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm so very sorry that you have been battling depression. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. To be able to write this all down and make decisions for the sake of your family - even when you still have those days where you would rather just sit and cry. That takes a lot of self sacrifice. You're doing great! I do hope your resolution of being happy goes hand in hand with you being good to yourself and giving yourself a pat on the back every day. You're doing great! And your wedding photos are GORGEOUS! Congratulations! Have a beautiful 2014!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Totally understand the depression thing. I finally had to GET HELP! I want to see a therapist, plus - the hard part - asking for help from friends and family with my kids, house, and all the rest of life. I just couldn't do it alone - but through it I've found some of the best friends & learned more about love and life than I could have without going through the dark place. Praying for you girl! Great resolutions - shows your heart. You're an awesome person!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Great photos :) Congrats on getting married!

    ReplyDelete
  29. First and foremost, you look stunning! Secondly, good for your for sharing about your depression. (PS: If you are on Facebook and in need of some supportive groups, I've got some for you!) While you may be dealing with a lot, it looks like you are surviving and pulling through! Hugs to you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. very honest post mama! and I am sorry your are dealing with depression. I go through boughs of it too, and we just have to make it through, and fous on the kiddos and the postive side of life. I am like you, did the whole thing backwards ") got married, got a divorce, then started dating, had a baby 2 years later, and now we dont really know if we want to get married yet, just for the sake of saying we are married. We have both been married and divorced, and we figure we will do it again when the time is right for us. Our family is happy, healthy, and our little girl is fabtablous :) So, don't get down, I know it is easier said than done, but just know you have a blogger family right here for ya! xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  31. Depression is a rough one. I found counseling to be a great help. Really enjoyed your beautiful wedding pictures. What a lovely day!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I have fought with depression my whole life. It comes and goes. I feel like I get stuck in a rut and it is hard to pull myself out. I have started mapping my day out regardless of how I feel, I have certain things I must do. 1, take the dogs for at least a 30 minute walk everyday. 2. One household item that needs attention. 3. Spend at least an hour on my blog. 4. The rest of the day belongs to my business until John comes home. It helps me to focus on the tasks at hand and before I know it things fall back int place.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I met the love of my life and I grew my blog even more than I had ever imagined. Congratulations on the wedding! That's beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Congratulations on your marriage! Try not to be so hard on yourself and if you need help, get some! There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's biology, not you!

    I'm a huge advocate of setting goals! In fact, here's a post I wrote on setting goals the S.M.A.R.T. way so you have better success of achieving them http://womenwithintention.com/set-s-m-r-t-goals/

    I set goals every week on Monday on my blog. If you'd like feel free to list yours for the week every week on mine. I do it for accountability and because I want the blog to be a place of encouragement for all women.

    Best of luck in 2014 making it a wonderful year!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Depression is tough and it can suck the life right out of you. I hope that you find outlets and ways to reduce your depressive state. It’s attacked me before to the point I attempted suicide three times. But, they always failed, and here I am still alive. I live for my family and myself now. The photos of your wedding and children are lovely! That’s who you should be living for now.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Depression is an awful thing to have to deal with. Both my husband and my mother are regular sufferers so I know the struggle you are going through. It's great, though, that you can be open about it and acknowledge some steps that you can take to help you work through it. Wishing you all the best xx

    ReplyDelete
  37. Congratulations on getting married! :) You are a beautiful bride!! Thanks for sharing and being so honest. You have some great goals for this year. I hope it is a great year for you!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Congratulations on getting married! I think the goals you set for yourself are great because they are attainable. I have suffered from clinical depression also and it is as far from a picnic as you can get. One thing I can tell you is that if you can get to where you can exercise regularly it will help tremendously. Clinically it will help to increase your serotonin levels which will help you feel happier. God wants you to have life and have it more abundantly so don't forget to ask for His help in being set free from depression. You can be free. Bless you and I truly wish you all the joy and liberty your heart can hold.

    ReplyDelete
  39. What an honest post. So sorry to hear that you've been going through a season of depression. I'll be praying for you and your family as I know that can be very difficult. You have a great looking blog and a great looking family! Sounds like you have some great goals to accomplish for 2014!

    ReplyDelete
  40. So sorry to hear that you have been depressed:( The pictures of your wedding are beautiful! I just hopped over to your facebook page and "liked" it- I love your blog as well- very cute!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for visiting. Comments are always welcome. I promise I do read them all. Spam comments are not tolerated and are deleted.